Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Being thankful for Women V Cancer

How fortunate it turned out to be for me that one of the top results in my Google search for ‘fun cycling events’ back in September 2013, was:

‘www.actionforcharity.co.uk: Women V Cancer Ride the Night – the first women only 100km night cycle in London…’

At the tender age of 48 I’d only just started cycling and, although I wasn’t (and still am not) a competitive cyclist, I’d discovered a real passion for riding my bike. I was enjoying leisurely ‘Sunday Cycles’ with my Alex and we’d recently completed a 50-mile Pedal for Scotland event. I’d loved the camaraderie and atmosphere of this mass ride, and I was keen to have another big event in my diary to aim and train for.

Ride the Night instantly appealed to me because my daughter Gemma had just moved down to London and the event presented an ideal opportunity for us to cycle together in her new home city. I also found the idea of cycling with a big bunch of women, of all ages and abilities, attractive and I knew it would be a lot of fun. I also knew that it would be a challenge for me to venture out on a long ride without my ever-supportive husband by my side - I’d actually have to learn how to change an inner tube on my own!

I also loved the fact that Women V Cancer was a partnership between three charities that fund research and provide support for people affected by the three most common cancers that affect women. And, most satisfying of all was discovering that the funds raised by Women V Cancer events were split equally between the three partner charities - Breast Cancer Care, Ovarian Cancer Action and Jo’s Cervical Cancer Trust – stating loudly and clearly that one organisation wasn’t rated more highly than the other and that the challenges faced when diagnosed with one type of cancer are no more significant than those faced when diagnosed with one of the others.

After volunteering in our local hospice for several years and having lost some family members and friends to cancer (as most of us have), I’d seen first hand the devastating affect that this bloody awful disease can have on both the person diagnosed and their families.

So, I clicked on the ‘Register’ button and signed up for Ride the Night 2014. I had plenty of time to raise the required £200, and initially I was just going to hold a wee coffee morning or a local raffle.

But then something happened.

I discovered a Ride the Night Facebook group that had been set up to provide support, chat, links and information for everyone taking part. I signed up and very soon joined in with the lively conversation and varied threads. It wasn’t long before I was getting to know some truly incredible, and truly inspiring, women. Women who had cycled in other Action for Charity events, women who were new to events, women who had cancer, women who were in treatment, women who’d survived cancer, women who’d lost their mums or their aunties or their sisters or their sons or their best friends or their dads or their daughters, women who were frightened to cycle on the road, women who were overweight, women who were underweight, women who had lots of cycling experience and women who had none.

It was a lively, and very special, community to be a part of. And their stories made me want to do more. I was inspired and deeply touched by the strength and determination shown by these incredible women, all of whom had decided to stick two fingers up to cancer, grab life by the handlebars and ride.

So, I decided that a coffee morning just wouldn’t quite cut it. Instead, I decided to write a little book. A little book of rhymes, about cancer and cycling, that would try to get the awareness messages across in a different kind of way – and raise some funds in the process.

It developed into a much bigger project than I’d anticipated – but I loved every minute of the process: writing the poems, finding sponsors, liasing with the charities, working with a fantastic graphic designer (Sandhy Robinson-Jones, an ovarian cancer and aneurism survivor - and all round wonder woman), enlisting my daughter’s illustration skills; and working with fellow Night Riders who’d agreed to share their personal experiences of cancer. After a few months of hard - but extremely rewarding – work, One Woman’s Verses Vs Cancer was eventually published.

After a fundraising launch night, I spent the following months leading up to Ride the Night - and beyond - punting my little book through social media, selling it at every local event I could manage along to, reciting rhymes wherever anyone would listen (community groups, medical conferences, WRI meetings and get-togethers in my house!) and basically taking every fund and awareness raising opportunity that came my way! And I loved every minute of that process too.

While all of that was going on, I was still enjoying my cycling. When the time arrived for Ride the Night 2014 it was very special. I had my daughter by my side and it was just brilliant to finally meet many of the women from all over the UK that I’d only ever met online before. Many of us have stayed firm friends.

It was a sight to behold. 1500 women of all shapes and sizes on bikes of all shapes and sizes lit up to varying degrees and dressed up to varying degrees setting off from Windsor Racecourse to Ride the Night. All rising to their own personal challenges and keep on peddling till they finally crossed the finish line. I’ll never forget it.

Afterwards, I signed up for Ride the Night 2015 and it didn’t take much persuasion for me then to register for an even bigger challenge; Cycle Africa! Ride the Night 2015 was just as fantastic an experience as last year’s and I’m so excited about heading to Tanzania to cycle 350km in October.  

To date I’ve raised over £7000 for Women V Cancer, but I like to think that the awareness I’ve helped to raise – through people reading, or hearing, the rhymes from the little book – has been much more valuable. The signs and symptoms messages are so very important and there’s still such a lot of work to be done in getting those messages across.

So, it’s fitting that my Women V Cancer experience is about to take me off in a new direction! I’ve had quite a journey since that day back in September 2013 when I Googled ‘fun cycling events’. It’s been so much more than just a ‘fun cycling event’.

I’ve made some special friends for life, I’ve clocked up lots of miles on my bike, I’ve written a little book, I’ve raised some awareness of the signs and symptoms of ovarian and breast cancer and the importance of smear tests, I’ve raised money for three fantastic charities, I’ve learned how to fix a puncture, I’ve sussed out hills (slow and steady…), I’ve learned how best to soothe a sore butt, I’ve laughed a lot, cried a lot, learned a lot and been inspired a lot.

And now, after years of either raising awareness or working for various charities on a voluntary basis, I’m delighted to have been given the opportunity to work for one of those very charities as a part-time employee.

I was actually helping my son in his search for a new job when I stumbled across an advert on a recruitment website for Breast Cancer Care. I applied immediately, couldn’t believe my luck when I was invited for interview, then very nervously attended my first interview for employment in over 30 years (I’ve been self-employed most of my working life). I was over the moon to be offered the job.

So, say hello to the new ‘B-Aware Support Assistant’ for Breast Cancer Care in Scotland!

I’m so excited about starting my new job next Monday, and I’m so very grateful to Action for Charity for facilitating a partnership called Women V Cancer that continues to do so very much, in so many different ways, to bring women together in the fight against cancer. I know, without a shadow of doubt, that my experiences over these past two years will have played more than a large part in the Project Manager’s decision to offer me the job.

I’d like, therefore, to say a big ‘Thank You’ to Women V Cancer. And, I hope that you’ll continue for a long time yet to encourage, inspire and support women like me.

Women who are determined to, no matter what, grab life by those handlebars and ride…


Thursday, 5 February 2015

the kids making a fuss of their old dad...

Well, that's Alex turned 50. He didn't want any fuss, just a nice family (and extended family!) day. So, that's what we had. Usually, I write a little ditty or poem for our family occasions - but I couldn't have managed anything more special than the things that the kids did for their Dad last Sunday. I just kept quiet and let them show him just how much he means to us all.

Gordon wrote, and sang, him a song - which was hilarious and touching in equal measure. Ross wrote and presented a glorious speech before we sat down for birthday dinner. And Gemma, who sadly couldn't be with us in person but did manage to make numerous 'Facetime' appearances throughout the day, sent a wee video which summed up beautifully what we all think of Alex. He is, quite simply, our hero :)




Thursday, 1 January 2015

keeping up the tradition

So, the posts here maybe don't come as often as they used to, but I'm pleased that I've managed to keep this wee blog going for the past four years. I wrote the very first post on January 1st 2011, and I've dropped by every first of January since. Like most things around the festive season and New Year, it's become a bit of a tradition.

I'm actually feeling a bit rubbishy today; I've been loaded with the cold for the past few days so I've got a head like a burst ball, I've got a nose that would outshine Rudolph and I've got a throat that feels like I've been festive feasting on broken glass (a bit like the Grinch! How apt!) Ocht, it's only a wee cold, and I know I'll feel lots better soon but, for the moment, I'm indulging myself by not doing anything much more than coorying in with a good book and a hot tea under a big blanket before heading off for a comforting dose of mum's steak pie.

I know, I know; it's New Year's Day and the last thing you want to hear is some wifey moaning about having the cold! And, I know, I know; the blog's supposed to be about 'What's making me feel good today?'!! However, as I've said right from the start; just because it's about finding things that make me feel good in a day, it doesn't mean that I shouldn't mention the rubbishy bits too. We all have them - even those who are the brightest, cheeriest and most optimistic among us! 

So, having the cold and thinking about the people I've lost (in many different ways) is what's making me feel not so good today. As for what is making me feel good, well; 

being here with Alex; 
being healthy (a cold doesn't count!); 
being grateful for my friends (old and new) and family members who make me feel loved, valued and cared for - and who ride with me whatever the weather; 
being excited about the prospect of making this 50th year of mine really count; 
and
being lucky enough to have all of my kids at home (apart from the odd night here and there) for the past two whole weeks!

Those are just the first few things that spring to mind...

I hope this year's a happy and healthy one for all of you too. And, I hope that - no matter how rubbishy some of your days might be - you always manage to find something (even if it's just a tiny wee something...) good in every one of them.

Happy New Year folks :)

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

A historic moment for my wee country

Scotland has a new First Minister.

Nicola Sturgeon, a "working class girl from Ayrshire", made history today when she became the first female to head the government of our wee country. I loved the speech she delivered to the Scottish Parliament this afternoon. Not because of any political leaning I might or might not have, but because she made it so eloquently clear that she wanted to...

     ..."send a strong, positive message to girls and young women, indeed to all women, across our land - there should be no limit to your ambition for what you can achieve...the sky is the limit and no glass ceiling should ever stop you from achieving your dreams..."

She said lots of other things that I liked, like:

     "I intend to lead a government that is bold, imaginative and adventurous. I know that there will be tough decisions to be made, and I might not always get them right - it's not the case that all manner of things shall be well - I will meet challenges, but I will strive to meet them positively and with fortitude. And I know that I will be inspired and sustained each and every day by the potential of this country and by the people who live here."

A woman at the helm in the Scottish Government, surrounded by many other women on all sides of the political divide - that's what's making me feel good today.



Friday, 24 October 2014

having a good day, just in case...

I opened an email this morning (one of these 'Notes from the Universe' thingies) that started:

"What if today was your 'last day'...?"

Ocht, it made me feel so sad. You see, this day, twenty one years ago, was my Dad's 'last day'. 

He had no idea, and neither did anyone else (whether the universe did or not is a matter for wider debate...!) that it was his last day. Thankfully, it happened to be a day spent at home with his family all around him. It was just another Sunday. Mum made a roast, and me and my brother and our partners and our kids were there. We all sat round the table, and blethered and laughed. And my Dad was so very happy. He always was when his family were round about him. It was just a normal family Sunday. 

Except, it wasn't. Because it was the last day we would spend with Dad.

He wasn't ill, he hadn't been ill, he was 57 and he was full of life. Except, he wasn't. 

The next day his heart packed in, all of a sudden, and away he went. He left us behind; shocked, devastated, heart-broken and so very sad. 

That email this morning made me feel sad, but it also made me think - as I've often done over the years - about how grateful I am that our last day with Dad was such a lovely one. I'll never lose the pain of losing him so suddenly (it doesn't rise to the surface very often now, but when it does, it's just as sore as it was all those years ago). And I'll always feel cheated and angry and sad that he's not here. I'll always feel like it wasn't fair.

I would give almost anything for one more hug, or to see him smile one more time, or to hear him laugh (he had the most wonderful laugh). But, as ever, I just have to settle with reminding myself that I had 28 years with my Dad, and for that I'm truly grateful. I know I'm biased, but he was just such a lovely, lovely person - and he was just such a brilliant Dad. And I loved him so very much. 

I'm having a great day today; I've spent most of it with my wee Mum, I'm heading out for dinner later with Alex and one of my best friends, and I've had some sort of chat with all of my kids at some point or another (as is usual most days thanks to the wonders of What's App, texts and Facebook!). 

So, if this morning's email has got a point, and today is my last day, it's been a good one! 

On Dad's last day, he was full of life...just as he was every other day. That was just his way.

And, I like to think that - just like my Dad - most of us don't really need an email to remind us how important it is to make the most of every day...we just never know when it might be our last.

Friday, 17 October 2014

Reading my 'Real Life Story' (even though it wasn't written by me...)

I wrote to Women's Cycling magazine a few months ago to pitch an idea for an article. It was a bit of a long shot so I wasn't too surprised when Lara Dunn, the editor, didn't accept a suggestion from some middle aged wifey with no previous 'published article in a magazine' work to show for herself! 

All, however, was not lost as Lara did, instead, pass my details over to one of her staff writers - Jill Eckersley - who then contacted me to ask if I'd be interested in being interviewed for one of the magazine's 'Real Life Rider' story slots. It wasn't what I'd had in mind, but I did appreciate the gesture - and I saw it as a good opportunity to give Women V Cancer and Action for Charity a little plug!

I thoroughly enjoyed my blether on the phone with Jill, but I must admit that it was with more than a little trepidation that I opened the latest edition of the magazine today. I hadn't been able to proof read the article and I was a bit anxious about something appearing in print that wasn't quite as I'd said it. I'd also been letting my imagination run away with me and I was all psyched up for reading a 'Real Life Story' that would've been more at home in Bella than in a biking magazine!

However, I needn't have worried as Jill had written a good article and nothing more than my passion for cycling had been revealed! I did find it hard, though, to read something about me that's written in a style very different from my own. There were a few little errors (it's Sandhy not Sandy, and I cycled 32 miles not 24...not that I'm pedantic about my mileage...) and one slightly mis-leading comment (which seemed to imply that I devised the whole Women V Cancer Ride the Night event rather than just sign up to take part!!) but these were pretty minor points in what did turn out to be a pretty accurate piece. And, it did indeed give Women V Cancer and Action for Charity a nice little plug, for which I'm grateful to both Jill and Lara for. Every opportunity to raise awareness is a welcome one.

Ocht, I've also got to be honest and admit that it did give me a bit of a buzz to see my ugly mug appear in the magazine! And, I'm still hopeful that if ever Lara's short of copy and fancies taking a chance on a middle aged wifey who's making the most of life - grabbing it by the handle bars with one hand and a pen with the other - she'll know who to call...!


Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Thinking through a new wee venture

I've been toying with the idea of  trying to turn something I love to do, write personal poems, into a little business venture. I've drafted and re-drafted a new web page and titled it 'Jane Writes for You' but I just don’t feel ready to hit the 'Publish' button yet.

It’s really not that big a deal in the whole scheme of things (especially at this time, when everyone in my wee country has a huge decision to make...) and I’m not sure why I’m dithering so much.

So, I'm going to do what I tell other people to do when faced with a quandary and pull my thoughts out of my head and put them down on paper (metaphorically speaking!).  I’m hoping that working them through here will help me come to some sort of decision.   

I’ve written lots of poems for my friends and family. It’s something I really enjoy doing and I know these little rhymes have given quite a lot of pleasure over the years, not just to the people they’ve been written for. It’s much easier to write for people I know well, but I have written poems for people I don’t know too - mostly as a favour for friends. Although it’s more challenging they’ve always been really well received. So, I know I can do it. That’s a plus point.

It’s a privilege being trusted to translate a person's stories, thoughts and feelings about someone they care about into a poignant, engaging or entertaining personal poem. It’s a very kind of special thing to spend time doing. That’s another plus point.

When I'm writing a poem about someone I know and care about, I get to feel good about making someone who’s special to me feel special. When I'm writing a poem about someone I don't know (though, I do actually sort of come to know these people from the information I've been given) I get to feel good about making the person who'll be delivering the poem feel good because they're making the person who's receiving the poem feel special, or their audience feel moved or entertained! (Does that make any kind of sense?!) That’s another plus point.

I love to talk and listen as well as write. I love to chat, but I’m a listener too. People feel better in themselves, or can see things more clearly, after talking things through and I’ve always felt there’s a big difference between listening to what people are saying and hearing what people are saying. And I’m wondering if that brings an added dimension to this idea of writing for people. Some people might find it kind of therapeutic to talk through (or write down) their thoughts about the person the poem’s about - especially if deep feelings or poignant stories are being shared. That’s a plus point.

Maybe I’m getting a bit carried away! Maybe it’s mostly about writing wee ditties for folk who’d like to give something a bit different to their friends or family as a gift! Well, that would still be a plus point!

It’s difficult to work out what to charge. There would be some ‘practical’ expenses, but mostly what I’ll be charging for is my time and, I guess, my skill. Sometimes I can write a poem in a few hours, sometimes it takes me days. How do I set the price? Too expensive and people won’t buy - or will have extremely high expectations! Too cheap and I’ll feel like I’m selling myself short and that I can’t devote enough time to each poem. And, what’s the point in doing this if I can’t give everyone the best of my time and attention? It’s got to feel fair, both to the person buying the poem and to myself. Costing it out is a minus.

Focussing on writing personal poems might detract from my ambition to ‘be’ a writer....Wait a minute. Is this what it’s all about? Is this the ‘wrong’ kind of writing? I’m ashamed to admit it, but this might be it. Jeeso. What a numpty I've been! I would still ‘be’ a writer! What nicer and more meaningful accolade can there be than someone feeling special or feeling good after they’ve heard or read something you’ve written – whether it’s been a piece of perfect prose, a novel, an article, a blog post - or a personal poem? Tsk. Get over yourself Jane. Something that was a minus has just become a great big fat plus.

So, it looks like the Ayes have it. Just a bit more pondering over such things as price, presentation and how to put it out there then I think I’ll be ready to hit the publish button....Decision, almost, made. That’s what’s making me feel good today.

Friday, 8 August 2014

Riding, writing and raising funds

Well hello old friend. It's been a while! 

I've mostly had a very ordinary day today sat in front of the computer catching up on some admin, writing a post for one of my other blogs and doing some research (em, in other words, jumping around from one link to another trying to glean information and ideas for that ground-breaking piece of writing...!) But something a bit more out of the ordinary did happen this morning in the shape of a telephone call from a writer from the magazine Women's Cycling

I would've loved the opportunity to write my own piece for the magazine (maybe one day...), but it was nice of the editor to take an interest in my exploits. The writer asked me a load of questions and I've been mulling over my responses thinking 'Ocht, I missed that bit out' or 'Ocht, I shouldn't have said that!' or 'Ocht, am I going to come across like a numpty?!' So, needless to say, I'm slightly apprehensive about how the article will turn out. I'm just hoping that any publicity turns out to be good publicity! Especially as I'm still selling copies of my wee book to raise funds for Women V Cancer, and I did make sure I got a good plug in for that!

I'm not sure which edition the article will be published in (if at all) but it definitely won't be for a while yet.

Anyhow, the reason I'm on here tonight telling you about it is that during the course of the conversation the writer asked how things had been for me this past year, in the context of being bitten by the cycling bug, and I replied, 'I've had a great year. It's mostly been about riding, writing and raising funds...'

And I went on to tell her, as concisely as I possibly could, about the pleasure I get from being on my bike, from writing stuff down and from raising cash to help make a difference. Riding, writing and raising funds. I like that. 

It's like having a wee tag line to my current brand of 'what makes me feel good'. And that in itself is what's making me feel good today!

Sunday, 4 May 2014

Not sitting still at the cross-roads

I received a message that made me smile this morning from my pal Lois (whom I'm sure I've mentioned before in my wee blog but I can't find the post!). I'm sure she wouldn't mind me sharing part of it:

"...think back to a few years ago when we were both at a funny 'in between' stage and looking for things to do!! Not an issue anymore that's for sure..."

You see, me and Lois have this thing going on. It all started several years back when we discovered, while chatting between wheeee-ing (we'd pinched Lois's kids' sledges while they were at school...), that we were both at a bit of a cross-roads in our lives. We acknowledged, while we puffed and panted our way through the snow and back up the hill, that we were both at a point where we wanted to 'do' much more with our own time, or 'try more new things'. Our reasons for feeling that we'd reached that point were very different, but we were very similar in the sense that this craving for 'new opportunities' was in no way a symptom of an unhappy life thus far! 

We just wanted some extra bits and bobs going on to call our own. 

We were rosy-cheeked and excited about the prospect of whatever lay ahead - OK, so maybe the snow spray from the sledge and the hike up the steep hill had something to do with the rosy cheeks - and we looked forward to hearing about each other's ventures, whatever they were going to turn out to be.

Since then we've both been busy. Our 'new things' have been very different but we've both managed (and some) to find - and make the most of - loads of bits and bobs to call our own. We've cheered each other's triumphs (Lois's most recent being the fantastic achievement of finishing the 53 mile Huka Highland Fling race for the second time) and commiserated each other's tribulations. Some of the things we've done have turned out to be brilliant, some have turned out to be rubbish - but they've all been worth trying. 

I guess me and Lois are pretty straightforward in our attitude to life; embrace it, keep on learning, accept that bad shit happens, be challenged, don't let the failures and disappointments bog you down, learn from them, do more of what makes you happy and - most importantly - celebrate it at every single opportunity that presents itself!

And, of course, don't ever sit still for too long at the cross-roads.


Saturday, 19 April 2014

Oohing and aahing at The Kelpies with some of my favourite people

Most of us in Central Scotland have been watching with interest as two giant horses have grown up from the ground over the course of the past year or so. Some folks think that Andy Scott's colossal 'Kelpie' sculptures are a colossal waste of money but most folk it seems, like me, think they're worth every single penny that's been spent on them. They're only just finished but they've already made a massive difference to the profile of Falkirk and the surrounding area, and they're bound to become a major tourist - and business - attraction.

I was at the launch night of the Kelpies last night. Aw man. I've oohed and ahhed at these immense Shire horses (they're modeled on two real Shire horses - the name 'Kelpies' is a wee bit misleading!) many times while driving past them at their various stages of rising from the ground, but seeing them up close during the spectacular light and pyrotechnic show last night took me to a whole new level of oohing and ahhing! They are absolutely stunning and we're so very lucky to have these magnificent beasts on our doorstep.

My only slight concern is that they're situated right next to a busy motorway and heads inevitably do turn to look at them. Hopefully though, drivers will remember that they're on the M9 and not become too distracted at the sight of two beautiful 30m high horses heads at the side of the road!

There are lots of fantastic photographs and videos of the Kelpies scattered all over the internet so I didn't really take many photos during the evening. My wee snaps from last night were more about recording snippets of what made the night particularly great for me; being at a spectacular event to launch an incredible piece of art with some of my favourite people who make me feel really good...





If you'd like to see some incredbile snaps and videos of the Kelpies, click here! 

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Reaching my goal

I'm here with my tail between my legs as I've sadly neglected this wee blog recently. I should really own up - I've been having a bit of an affair with Wordpress and have started my very own website and a new blog with my very own domain name (http://janewrites.co.uk/)

I set myself a goal back in September last year when I said:

"I'm going to aim to have something - even if it's just a teeny wee something - published by this time next year! There, now that I've said it out loud I have to put my mind to it and get on with it! I'm going to try to be a 'proper' writer with some of my free time. And the thought of that, dear reader, is making me feel really good today."

And I've done just that. I've spent most of my spare time during these past months either researching for the book, writing it, learning about self-publishing, working with a graphic designer, collaborating with contributors, finding sponsors and negotiating with printing companies. It's been a busy, and brilliant, time.

The end result is a very little book of rhymes that seems to be making a difference already. It's been on sale for less than a week and I've had some great feedback already.

Tomorrow I'm hosting 'A little light launch'. It won't be too grand an affair, but it'll hopefully be a good night amongst friends, some of my family (the rest of whom I'll sorely miss) and strangers (who'll no doubt soon be friends) too. Who would've thought? Little old me holding a little light launch of my little new book.

Making it to my goal before September, and loving every step of the journey to get here. That's what's making me feel good today.

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Revealing 'One Woman's Verses Vs Cancer'


Finishing my little book, 'One Woman's Verses vs Cancer', and receiving the completed design from the wonderful Sandhy ready for taking to print tomorrow.

That's what's making me feel so very, very good today!


Saturday, 15 February 2014

Having my teeth well and truly into my latest project

After all the humming and hawing a few weeks ago my teeth are now well and truly into my latest wee project. I'm loving the whole experience of creating a book of rhymes, and I'm learning so much as I go along. The most enjoyable thing though has been spending more time writing. I've taken a step back from one of my other voluntary activities for the moment so that I can put as much effort into the book as possible, and it's been great to have a little taste of what it's like to 'work' as a writer, even if it is unpaid!

There aren't going to be as many rhymes as I would've liked, so it is going to be a very little wee book! I just don't want to rush writing them and am therefore aiming for quality rather than quantity! There are still going to be a few of Gemma's illustrations included, but she's so very busy at the moment with her new career (and all of the other things that a twenty-something-year-old-living-in-London should be busy with during their first year after graduation) that I'll just be delighted with whatever she can manage within the relatively short deadline we've agreed!

It's not just the writing of the rhymes that's making this such a great experience: I've learned lots in the reading and researching for it; I've enjoyed getting my 'fundraiser' hat back on with all that that entails in looking for sponsors etc; I've had a lovely night with some of my village pals to 'road test' the rhymes; and I've made some new friends through the Women V Cancer Ride The Night Facebook page!

One of those new friends, in particular, has become an invaluable ally in the pulling together of the book. Sandhy's a professional graphic designer and has raised pots of money for Women V Cancer through both her own fundraising efforts and helping other people with theirs. She also writes a fantastic blog, which you'll find by clicking here. All of our communication so far has been through the internet, but my measure of her is that she's a great designer, she's passionate, she likes things to be done efficiently, she's headstrong, she has a wealth of experience in many different areas that she delights in sharing, and she says it as it is. She's also an ovarian cancer survivor. I was chuffed to bits when she offered to design the book and put it into a 'proper' format for printing, but she's been helpful with so much more than that and I'm very lucky to have her on board.

So, it looks like sometime soon (fingers crossed, within the next month) I'll have my first little publication for sale! I've written lots of rhymes for lots of people in the years gone by, and every one of them has been a joy and a privilege to write or recite. And I've been involved in plenty of other fundraising or voluntary projects, all of which have been really great experiences (especially the World of Difference work at the hospice!) so it just makes me feel really great that I'm sort of pulling on all of that previous experience in an effort to make this project as successful as possible.

And (as I said in my 'red corner/blue corner' post) if it's not a great success I will, at the very least, have learned another whole load of new things and raised some funds towards the fight against cancer in the process. Nothing to lose and a whole lot to gain, and that's what's making me feel good today!

Sunday, 26 January 2014

Being out instead of in

Looking out the window and deciding it's a day for sitting in front of the fire with my notepad on my lap, changing my mind, getting all wrapped up, opening the door to sunshine instead of showers, heading up the Gargunnock Hills with Alex, wading through overflowing burns, stopping to look at the hills, splashing in puddles, stopping to admire the view across the carse, getting very  muddy, climbing over barbed wire fences, stopping to listen to the waterfall, tripping over ferns in the forest, tramping through a field full of sheep shit, splashing in more puddles, stopping at the village pub, sitting in front of the stove, supping soup and a pint, opening the door to showers instead of sunshine, heading home to sit in front of the fire with my notepad on my lap. 

That's what's making me feel good today :)



Monday, 20 January 2014

Gemma showing me the way

Once I get an idea into my head I usually really enjoy the process of pulling it out and turning it into some sort of reality, even if the reality ends up not bearing any resemblance whatsoever to the original idea! I usually find that the journey is just as - if not more - rewarding and enjoyable than the final destination. I don't usually fret too much over the decision to take the plunge and push on with putting my thoughts into action. And I usually manage not to worry too much about failing or falling flat on my face or making a fool of myself because I know that I'll learn something (and usually have some fun) in the process. That doesn't mean that I don't often get nervous or agonise about how things will turn out, but my nerves or anxiety are usually kept in check with the knowledge that I'll feel worse if I sit and do nothing than I will if I get off my backside and do something - even if there's a chance that that something might go horribly wrong! 

So, I don't have a clue why I've been so irrationally worried about putting my latest wee plan into action!

Gemma and I are taking part in the Women V Cancer 100km Night Cycle in London in May and I want to do something a bit different to help me meet (and exceed) the fundraising target. The idea I've come up with is to create a wee collection of poems, which all relate to either cycling or cancer, along with a few short articles (sort of 'what every woman should know' pieces on breast, ovarian and cervical cancer) and publish them in a book (or, most likely, a booklet) that will hopefully be entertaining and informative in equal measure. I've made a start on the poems and I've enlisted Gemma's help with illustrations and the technical/printing side of things! I've contacted the three charities that the event is supporting and they've all given me the thumbs up to it being a good idea. And, I'll be doing some of the things I love (cycling and writing) with the support of someone I love (Gemma). Surely it's a win win situation?! 

There is no reason whatsoever not to be cracking on with it and turning my idea into a reality. It might be hard work and it might be a bit of a challenge and I might not come up with great poems and I know nothing about publishing and I might not sell very many and everyone might think it's rubbish - but I'm bound to learn a lot and have a really good experience trying! But, until this morning, I just couldn't see it like that. Not like that at all. 

I was having palpitations every time I thought about doing this thing. I felt as if there was a battle going on inside my head between, in the blue corner, the part of me that's frightened that I'm going to make an ass of myself, that some folk will think it's a naff idea, that the poems will be rubbish, that nobody will buy the booklet, that I don't raise much money, that some folk might sneer and wonder who I think I am for even thinking about doing such a thing never mind carrying it through......against, in the red corner, the part of me (the more familiar part of me) that's excited about having a new wee project to get my teeth into, that's passionate about trying to raise money for three extremely important and worthwhile causes, that isn't worried about failing because I know that failing is so very much better than not trying at all, that loves to write so knows that I'll enjoy doing this no matter what the outcome, that doesn't let herself get bogged down by or concerned about people sneering or sniggering at her as what other people think of her isn't the yardstick that she measures her life by, that understands how small this wee project is in the whole scheme of things and that knows how much she values the opportunity to do anything alongside her daughter!

This morning the blue corner was definitely winning the fight and I didn't really understand why. I wondered if it was because I'm about to launch myself into something that involves me putting my writing out there for sale for the very first time? Until now I've written for myself, for fun or for friends or for family. I've never asked anyone to pay for anything I've written. And, even though the profits are going straight to the charities and not into my pocket, I think I find that kind of scary! I don't think I'm worried about people reading the poems and not liking them - I totally appreciate that they'll not be to everyone's liking - so I think it's more about me worrying that folk will think the whole thing's a naff idea in the first place. It just doesn't seem to make sense. I shouldn't be worrying about that! Who cares if folk think it's naff??!! 

I, irrationally, did.

But, that was earlier. That was before I read Gemma's latest blog post. It wasn't aimed at me, but it struck such a big chord and simply couldn't have come at a better time. Included in the post is a link to the recent TED talk given by Diana Nyad - the 60 something year old woman who was the first person ever to swim the 100 miles across the Gulf Stream from Cuba to the States - and it was just the kick up the backside I was needing. During the talk Nyad says:

"Just you go ahead and sit back in your comfortable chair and you be the critic, you be the observer, while the brave one gets in the ring and gets bloody and gets dirty and fails over and over and over again...and lives life in a bold way...none of us get through this life without heartache and turmoil...and if you can get knocked down and get back up again...you find your way."

And, as if that wasn't enough to well and truly knock the blue corner out, Gemma finished her post by saying

" 'to live is to do' and instead of finding reason to back up the idea of stopping, you just have to 'find a way' to do that thing that you really want to do".

I really want to do this wee booklet. And, with the red corner well and truly back on top, I'm off to find a way. And I'm so very lucky to have Gemma holding my towel!


Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Friends

I consider myself very lucky to have some really great friends. There are lots of things that make a friend special but for me one of the most important things is that I feel totally comfy in my own skin when I'm with them. I don't have to work at impressing them, I don't have to pull on any kind of mask and I can quite simply 'be' how I'm feeling at the time - whether that's happy, sad or something in between. 

And whether I've known my best pals for most of my life or for only a few years there's often very little difference in just how good they can make me feel...

Last night I spent a lovely few hours with my pal Christine, whom I've only really known for a few years. Much of her evening was spent patiently listening while I harped on about the major issue of ... my hair. I haven't had my hair dyed for over 6 months and, consequently, it looks as if it's been very badly dipped and stripped! It's an odd mixture of grey, black, brown, white, yellow and orange! (It's fodder for a whole new blog post in itself...!) I've been determined to persevere with my 'embracing the grey' journey, but it's driving me nuts and, as much as I keep telling myself that I'm lucky to have my hair at all and that it's ridiculous to get so het up about my hair colour, I just can't help feeling a bit self conscious at times. That determination to persevere has definitely been wavering of late!

However, after a good sounding off to my buddy - interspersed with a lot of laughs and a big dose of perspective - my confidence was restored and my resolve was back in tact! 

Poor Christine isn't the only person who's been landed with the lament of my locks; most of my pals have heard it in some way, shape or form and I'm grateful to them all for putting up with my ramblings during my regular wobblies! I was especially grateful - and wept buckets - when one of my oldest friends Caroline sent me a copy of 'Fiere' by Jackie Kay. It epitomises our shared childhood and, even though we're nowhere near being the 'doddery' old wifeys in the poem, we are both embracing the fact that 'oor hair micht be silver noo'! 

'Fiere' means companion or mate in Scots dialect and life-long friendship is very much at the heart of the poem. But it also seems to be saying that friendship is the thing that keeps us young! So, being lucky enough to have a fair few 'dearie's' to be 'havin a blether' with almost guarantees that I'll always be young at heart - no matter the colour of my hair...

Fiere

If ye went tae the tapmost hill, Fiere,
Whaur we used tae clamb as girls,
Ye'd see the snow the day, Fiere,
Settling on the hills.
You'd mind o' anither day, mibbe,
We ran doon the hill in the snow,
Sliding and singing oor way tae the foot,
Lassies laughing thegither - how braw.
The years slipping awa; oot in the weather.
And noo we're suddenly auld, Fiere,
Oor friendship's ne'er been weary.
We've aye seen the wurld differently.
Whaur would I hae been weyoot my jo,
My fiere, my fiercy, my dearie O?
Oor hair micht be silver noo,
Oor walk a wee bit doddery,
But we've had a whirl and a blast, girl,
Thru' the cauld blast winter, thru spring, summer.
O'er a lifetime, my fiere, my bonnie lassie,
I'd defend you - you, me; blithe and blatter,
Here we gang doon the hill, nae matter,
past the bracken, bothy, bonny braes, barley.
Oot by the roaring Sea, still havin a blether.
We who loved sincerely; we who loved sae fiercely.
The snow ne'er looked sae barrie,
Nor the winter trees sae pretty.
C'mon, c'mon my dearie - tak my hand, my fiere!

Jackie Kay

Sunday, 5 January 2014

getting out for a Sunday cycle

I managed to make it out for a ride on my bike this morning for the first time in over two months. A long drawn out bout of laryngitis followed by some rubbishy weather along with a wee dose of cannae-be-bothered-itis resulted in a bit of a hiatus from cycling. But, aw man, it felt so great to be back in my saddle today. In fact, one of my favourite Christmas presents from Alex probably sums it up best:


Wednesday, 1 January 2014

things staying the same...

Well, that's another year over and a new one begun. It's been a funny old year for me, 2013. Lots of things made me smile, laugh or cry and feel happy; some things made me cry and feel sad; numerous things made me puff up my feathers and feel proud; a few things made me fret and feel anxious; a number of things made me curse and feel angry and many things made me step back, draw breath and feel extremely lucky to be living this little life of mine. 

I guess that could be a summary of every year for many people - a mixture of good and bad stuff creating a melting pot of emotions - but maybe sometimes we feel that things have been a bit more of a jumble than in previous years. And I guess that's how it feels for me this time around. 2013 just seemed to bring more in the way of change than usual, some of which I've adapted to without any problem and some of which I'm still trying to get to grips with! I'm looking forward to continuing to do that during the year ahead while, at the same time, meeting any new challenges that crop up and looking out for some new opportunities along the way.

I set this wee blog up on the first of January 2011 and I honestly didn't think back then that I'd manage to keep it up for one year, let alone three! Lots of things have changed since writing that first post, but one of the things that's making me feel good today is the thought that some things have stayed, very comfortingly, the same. Alex is still at the centre of my world and our kids are still at the centre of our universe. My mum and Alex's mum and dad are still looking younger as the years go by and, thankfully, still in relatively good health (and keeping us on our toes!). My special friends are still the same special friends. I still live in the same ordinary house with the same extraordinary view. We still have our own wee business. I still love trying and learning new things. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And I still hope I simply keep on enjoying the journey!

So, I'm heading into 2014 ready and up for any new challenges that might come my way and hoping to make the very most of some new opportunities. But, I'm also hoping that some things don't change at all, because those are the things that I can always count on to make me feel really good. 

I hope 2014 is a year full of things that make you, dear reader, feel good too and I hope you'll continue to drop in on my wee blog. I really do appreciate your visits and I'm looking forward to blethering some more about what makes me feel good along life's way. Whether it's something that's changed or something that's, reassuringly, remained the very same.

Saturday, 14 December 2013

the brightest star...

Another wee poem for Christmas :)

The Brightest Star

Bouncing along to the first song
Her wisps of blonde curly hair
Almost dislodge the halo
So lovingly pinned on there.

Her tin foil star, held high on a pole,
Leads the bundle of billowing sheets
That sometimes billow enough to reveal
Black gutties on angels' feet.

The chorus of ‘Hallelujah’
Doesn't quite go as planned.
Timing.....is lost.....  
And gives way to waving hands.

A plastic doll stares blankly,
From its bed of straw and feather,
While shepherds (clad in Dads’ shirts and Mums’ towels)
Kneel down and bow together.

And then, three satin dressing gowns
Swish and swoosh into the hall,
The three wise little wearers
Dump gifts on top of the doll.
  
Suddenly, a crescendo! 
A hall full of voices sing,
All coming together beautifully 
For 'Glory to Our New Born King'

Her sheet's now off her shoulders,
And her halo's falling apart,
But her smile and enthusiasm
Are just as they were at the start.

And then, with proud and happy tears,
I watch from the back of the hall,
As my wee girl bounces back to her class,
The brightest star of all.




Sunday, 8 December 2013

going Christmas crackers...

Should the Christmas Tree go up?

I have a wee dilemma
And I don’t know what to do:
Should the Christmas Tree go up?
Or should I wait for you?

I know you’re all grown-ups now,
And off doing your own thing,
But I still sometimes find it hard
To cut the apron string!

I’m pleased and very proud of you
In equal and full measures,
And watching you grow up has been
A journey full of treasures.

But even though I’m happy that
You’re finding your own way,
I sometimes feel a wee bit sad
On days just like today.

We’ve never put the tree up
When you’ve not all been at home,
To wrap around the tinsel
And hang up the Christmas gnome.

To tie the strings on chocolates
And to place the star on top,
To sing along to Christmas songs
And watch Dad have his strop!

To dance and all look silly
In our crazy Christmas hats,
To take turns hanging bobbles
And our treasured bits of tat.

To cheer when Dad eventually
Gets all the lights a glow,
To laugh and march together to
His Dulci Jubilo!

To light the spicy candles
And put Santa on the shelf,
Then watch a favourite Christmas film;
The Grinch or maybe Elf!

So, there lies my dilemma
With an answer not yet clear,
Should we put the tree up?
Or hang off till you’re all here?

The 22nd of December,
Seems a while to wait!
I can't help thinking that the tree
Should be up by that date.

I guess I should be doing
What I do when faced with strife,
And think of something good about
This latest change in life.

Of course! That’s it! The tree’s going up,
I’ve come to my decision.
This change in family circumstance
Calls for a special mission

To make a great job of the tree,
Just me and Dad alone,
And make the house all Christmassy